I once jumped …almost

Once after a two hour trek up a hill in Mizoram with my usual partner in crime I refused to go anywhere near the edge. This is all the while our guide, his wife and the aforementioned partner in crime sat by the edge of the precipice contemplating life.

I have a terrible fear of heights.

Recently during a conversation with a friend while discussing my fear of heights I was reminded of an incident when I was about 6-7 years old. I do not remember being affected by heights then. Our house had an extension over the garage which served as the mezzanine floor. One unsupervised afternoon, in a attempt to recreate a now-forgotten movie scene I decided to attempt a jump from the mezzanine floor. It seemed like the perfect recipe for fun when one doesn’t have anything else to do.

I was not unaware of safety precautions, mind you! I had a tied a rope around my stomach and the other end of the rope was tied to a 6” by 4” plank, although the plank itself wasn’t harnessed to anything.

And thus, all things taken care of, I was set. I walked up to the edge and looked down. It did not seem very far down, plus I was harnessed. The 6-7-year-old me was going to have an adventure, a story to tell.

It was not going to be though. I chickened out. I waited for a bit and then decided maybe the jump wasn’t really warranted to constitute a holistically fun afternoon.

***

Now coming back to the night when I was relating this to my friend, both of us agreed that me not jumping that day was absolutely the right thing to do. I mean, I may never be able to bungee jump ever in life but quite possibly that jump from my childhood wasn’t the best of ideas.

All good then.

Now here’s the uncanny part. As I remembered that incident and it followed with both my friend and I agreeing that I shouldn’t have jumped I wondered if somehow we sent those vibes from that night to the little me that one afternoon staring down at the fall and sort of nudged him from jumping. Isn’t that what the parallel universe theory suggests?

I hope that’s the case, for it makes me believe that I’m watching over little me and maybe there’s a much older me who’s helping me right now. It makes me feel both responsible and safe at the same time. Also, life can’t be all that bad if you have lived through it already and are now just doing a speed-run.

[Today’s music while writing this – Sunshine (Adagio In D Minor)]

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~ by Shakeel Sobhan on January 9, 2016.

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